If you haven’t read Part 1 yet, here is a link
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You work hard. Sometimes too hard. And when you carve time out to leave work behind, you sometimes feel guilty about that approach.
Yet, you also see the people who seem content. They have managed a way to develop the skills to be in the present, to engage their senses, and seem to only care about what they are doing, in that moment.
Don’t you hate those people?
The most cynical among us may label them as simpletons, unable to grasp the complexity of life. Unable to grab life by the ring and ride that wave till the end. Yet, beneath that misplaced judgment, you know there is something else there. Something you wanted too, but weren’t sure how to get there, especially with work, life, family, the relentless pursuit of money and cars and remodeled kitchens. These people seem to have figured it out. But how can that be? How can someone like me not grasp what someone like them has found?
But the reality is this, they haven’t added something to their life to get there. They simply took something away.
I thought the same way. Up until about 6 years ago when some life-changing events gave me permission to look at myself, and how I was living my life. I needed freedom. I needed self-care. I needed to understand more about my thoughts, my family, my life and my happiness.
That’s when I discovered meditation.
At first, I was a skeptic. I didn’t really understand what the brain could do, beyond tasks. I never had a reason to train my brain. I didn’t even think I had to. But what I soon discovered was that I needed to do this. I didn’t need the past pulling me back or the fear of the future driving me forward. And I didn’t speak the language of meditation. If felt a bit soft and fluid, with feathered meanings.
It’s easy to confuse that contentment with lack of drive. Especially with a hustle culture that gives us draconian catchphrases splashed all around LinkedIn.
Yet, sometimes you wonder, why can’t this be me? What the fuck am I chasing? Fancy pre-schools, designer dogs, electric cars? Is that really a purposeful life?
Over the course of my journey, I realized, meditation, like all life skills, takes practice. It’s not doing a session, and then feeling changed. You wouldn’t expect to pick up a tennis racquet for the first time and hit a 90 mph ace? Or successfully navigate a double-black, back-country trail on skis, your first time out?
The brain is the same. It takes practice. It learns. It unlearns. It builds and eventually provides a breakthrough. And as hard as it may be to start, simply know this: One day it will click. And it will be worth it. Believe me.
And that fact that you are considering doing it, shows that you are actually doing it. That is one of the tenets of meditation. If you recognize that you want to change, that is the most important step in the journey. Even if you don’t start right away, the awareness and understanding of the need is what sparks the journey.
So don’t underestimate that feeling. And don’t put too much thought into it, either. Just accept it as it is, and see where it takes you. And if your journey doesn’t start right away, big fucking deal. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed because you can’t start the practice. That just adds another layer of bullshit thinking you don’t need. Patience rides shotgun with contentment, so as you begin to build that muscle, all of your life will begin to come together.
Here is an exercise I developed to help get on the road to being present:
Practice Session 1: Savor the Moment
- Choose Your Favorite Food: Grab a fruit you absolutely love to eat. Make the choice intentional. Don’t just find something around the house, prepare for the moment by purchasing something, rather than just grabbing something in the fruit bowl. In other words, don’t settle. Go into the grocery store, look around for what looks good, pick out the fruit you like, at the ripeness and texture you like. One fruit I like to use is Lychee. I had bought some roadside on my honeymoon in Costa Rica many years ago. They are such a unique fruit. With spines and bright red color, they follow nature’s signs for danger. Yet, when you touch, then taste, you realize that they are soft and sweet, and have a beautiful texture to the fruit. I love what they represent, and how they are so easily misjudged. A lesson there.
- Find Your Quiet Corner Sit alone in a comfortable spot where you won’t be disturbed. This is your time, so make it count. If you often eat while looking at your phone, don’t do it. Put it away, far enough you won’t be tempted to pull it out. You need a moment of clarity, or limited distractions for this to work.
- Engage All Your Senses
- Look at the fruit. Really look at it. Notice the colors, textures, and shapes. There is a purpose to this fruit. Can you discover it? It grew off a tree or shrub. It has seeds to help propagate. Does it need to be peeled, or can it be eaten without? Look at the peel. Be curious. Everything about it is intentional, made by the universe. It is perfect. Now, think about how it makes you feel. Why do you like it? Is it tart? What does it conjure up? Do you like the texture? Remember, we don’t often think much about our food as we hastily grab it from a food truck or drive-through for a meeting. So set an intention to give it your attention. Have a timer for 15 minutes if you like. It helps set the stage.
- Smell it. Take a deep breath and let the aroma fill your senses. Describe the scent to yourself. It’s ok to smile.
- Touch it. Feel the texture with your fingers or against your lips. Is it soft, crispy, or have little juicy sections like an orange?
- Taste it slowly. Let the flavors unfold on your tongue, savoring each bite. Which part of your tongue do you taste it in? Does it all taste the same? Are some parts sweeter?
- Listen to the sounds it makes as you bite or chew. Really focus on the sound it makes, both inside your mouth and as you swallow and the fruit itself.
4. Stay Focused Don’t do anything else. No phones, no TV, no distractions. Just you and your food. Let your senses take over, one by one.
5. Be Present When your mind wanders (and it will), gently bring it back to the experience of eating. Think about that, how often do we give attention to the experience of eating? Maybe never. Bring your mind back to the taste. Notice how your senses interact with the food. All of them. Which one is more powerful? Which one is most satisfying? Can you go from one to another and back?
6. Feel the Presence When you forget you’re doing this exercise and just immerse yourself in the sensations, that’s being present. And it’s amazing. It comes. It goes. The importance is allowing yourself to be lost in the moment. And when the mind wanders, don’t get angry or upset. Accept it. And if you can, let the distracting thoughts come and go. If you are having trouble with this, come back to the breath. Focus on breathing until you are in a place to continue.
Pro Tip: Presence happens when you allow your senses to focus on the moment, and overtake the thinking mind which brings you back to feelings of guilt, regret or sadness. It can also pull you into the future, which gives you a feeling of anxiety. So allow your senses to overtake your mind fully, creating a moment of pure, mindful presence with no room for the wanderings of the thinking mind. Remember, this practice isn’t about adding more to your life. It’s about stripping away the distractions and truly experiencing the moment, the ones we never make time for as Western culture does not seem to value them. But we should.
So, be kind to yourself, and don’t push too hard. See you in Part III.
Related Readings:
10 Minute Guide To Mental Health
How Do We Stay Present, When Our Brains Are Not Wired That Way?
