This May, as Mental Health Awareness Month rolls in, you’ll see the usual flurry of well-intended articles — many of which, let’s admit, will remain unread.
But what if this year is different? What if we take a good look at our own mental health? What if we view this month as an invitation to face the truths we often sidestep and challenge the facades we maintain. A chance to explore, disrupt, and genuinely heal.
Let’s dig into the quiet, deeper spaces where real growth happens. It’s not easy, but growth rarely is.
Understanding Mental Health
The first step is to understand and destigmatize mental health. I like to think of mental health like physical health; sometimes you have a cold, and sometimes you have cancer. There is a range of mental health too. There is good mental health and bad, in all of us. Happiness is good mental health. Depression, not so much.
Just as we value our physical health, nurturing our mental well-being is equally important. So don’t stigmatize this. Think of a therapist as a trainer for our mental health, one who can help lead us to a more present and fulfilling life.
Gym, For The Mind
One way to discover some of your deepest feelings is through meditation. The way I look at it, meditation is the gym for your mind. It’s working out the biggest “muscle” in your body, and getting your mind in shape to take on whatever life throws at you. You don’t need silent meditation either. Check out some of the apps for a nice intro. Headspace and Calm can help you become more aware, present, and create space between your thoughts and the emotions that follow. (HMU For a 30-Day Free Headspace Trial)
Monks have mastered the approach, but no one can truly master the mind. They understand that you don’t try to outthink your thoughts, you simplify observe and accept them. You don’t try to heal the mind with the same type of thinking that put you in distress. And that takes work. And insight. And transcendental playtime. It’s heavy, but that is why the Monks are like the speedo fellas at Muscle Beach. Because they put in the time, and get the results.
Happiness
Finding a way to manage our thoughts, that come from our internal dialogue, is a skill that becomes the foundation to happiness. The inner critic wants to be heard. It wants to engage the thinking mind. It wants to ruminate, push you out of the present with worry. And many times, we allow it.
Because it is hard not to.
Many of us outsize the importance of thoughts. We make them more deserving than they need to be. They pop up in our head, and instead of objectively watching them come and go, we instead grab onto them. We make them part of who we are. But we are not them, they are simply thoughts.
I liken the approach to a fisherman. A school of fish are swimming along, we throw a line in, and grab one. It becomes ours. We think we own it. It has movement, a life, but all of a sudden, by a hook and a string it has come into our possession. From that point on, it become us.
But, with the right approach, we can also take that moment, and toss the fish back in. Let it continue on its path as we watch it swim away and be forgotten. We saw it, caught it, engaged with it, let it go, and watched it continue on its path.
Letting go of a thought like you would a fish is difficult, and takes a bit of practice. We don’t resist the fish like we do with our thoughts. We just observe it, and give our minds the space to let it go. The skills we need are already inside us. We simply call up on them when the need arises.
Worry
We worry. A lot. We get caught up in life’s storylines. Will our kids get in the right school? Are they healthy? Does my boss like me? Will I get fired? Will I get invited to a friend’s party? Does my partner or spouse still love me? Is that mole something to worry about? Can I afford a house? There are so many worries we encounter on a daily basis, it is easy to become consumed by them all. Maybe they are triggered by a particular thought or situation. Maybe they are always there and consume us. But one thing that is for sure — When the worry resolves itself, we simply fill it with another. We go down the checklist. We hate someone at work, our commute is terrible. We don’t like our body or our nose or the hair that grows on our back. We spend so much time worrying, there is not much room for other things in our lives. Worry shapes us, and those around us. And can become a darkness that makes it hard to see the light of happiness.
Worry often presents as anxiety. We hear people talking about being present. It seems soft or anemic. But being present will allow us to take in the present moment, so we are not worrying about the past or fretful about the future. Many times, these behaviors cheat us out of the present. In fact, this type of thinking may make the present unrecognizable, because it is such a habit. We may never really experience it because we are constantly being pulled backward and forward by our thoughts. Being present is not easy, but is it harder than feeling bad about a past event we can no longer control? Or is it more challenging to live with a future worry that we can’t do anything about until we encounter that moment? Settling into the now will help, and the easiest way to do that is to put down the phone, and simply be. Engage the senses more than the thinking mind. Breathe. Smell, look, experience, chew. Feel the breeze on your skin. They help to ground us in the present moment. It is a skill that takes practice, so might as well begin today.
Letting Go: An Active Pursuit of Contentment
Letting go. Maybe we cringe when we hear it. It sounds soft, weak, and cowardly. It’s a familiar refrain, and is often perceived as passive, as giving in. But in truth, it’s one of the most active, brave, and courageous things we as humans can do. We’re not letting that person off the hook for their actions, rather we are giving ourselves a gift. The permission to carry the burden no longer than we have to. With that, we strip the power, and make a choice to move on. It’s a conscious decision we make to break free from the chains of anger and bitterness, to choose a different path. Letting go requires strength, resolve, and acceptance. It’s a journey that often takes more courage than the pursuit of revenge.
So, how do we let go? It sounds easy, but takes some practice. If we are someone who doesn’t feel comfortable confronting our feelings and emotions, yet wants to let things go, here are some practical tips:
1. Acknowledge Our Feelings: An easy first step. Start by admitting to ourselves what we’re feeling, be it anger, hurt, or betrayal. Say it out loud, so our inner voice can hear it. Ignoring these feelings or stuffing them down won’t make them disappear; it often intensifies them, and leaves them unresolved. Let’s get that shit out in the open. Because acknowledgment is the first step towards gaining control over our emotions.
2. Understand the Impact: Take a moment to honestly assess how our quest for revenge can or is affecting our life. Are we neglecting our health, relationships, or personal goals? What have we missed? What choices have we made that seem out of character? Understanding the negative impact on our mental or physical health can be a powerful motivator for change.
3. Reframe Forgiveness: Forgiveness, as an idea, might feel like we’re throwing in the towel. That we are giving up. But what if we approach it from a different perspective? What if we framed it as a way to release ourselves from the burden of bitterness. So, it is more about us and our feelings than the other person. Because, quite frankly, that person has probably let it go as soon as it happened. We are the only ones keeping it alive. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay; rather, it is us saying that we won’t allow revenge to control our life anymore. Forgiveness is hard, as it goes against our very being. But forgiveness can fill that void, that’s why we often see people forgiving someone in court for what we see as an unforgivable act. When we think that forgiveness is a gift we can give our own self, it moves us closer to the act.
4. Empathy as a Tool for Perspective: Try to view the situation from the other person’s perspective, not to justify their actions, but to understand them. This doesn’t mean we agree with what they did, but understanding can sometimes lessen the intensity of our anger. If someone cuts us off on the 405, we want to cut them off. But the only way this is personal is because we choose to make it that. The person cutting people off doesn’t have a personal vendetta against us. They don’t even know us. They are more interested in getting ahead. But they aren’t carrying that burden. In that case, the problem is with them, and not with us. So don’t allow cognitive dissonance to make it ours. Simply, let it go.
Patience
The root of many problems is impatience. Major events like road rage, Ponzi schemes, murder, are a result of impatience. Funny, how so many events can be traced back to that human flaw. We get angry when someone is driving too slow. We want to make money quickly. We want to move on with our lives, and divorce takes too long, so we do the unthinkable. We lose patience while we wait for our slow internet. Sound familiar? We have become an on-demand society, and the first thing to leave us is our patience. Seriously, If we simply take a moment to reflect, we can see that many of our problems can be managed by focusing on that one thing.
Now, this is something that has been imprinted on many of us in Western Culture. We have been conditioned to find almost any answer on our devices. We can get any song, any movie in minutes. And if we buy something, it can come in 1–2 days. This has an effect on our outlook to other parts of the world, and that can lead to anger or irritability. But remember, every feeling we have is a choice. Nothing can make us feel a certain way, we simply follow the cue and transform into emotion.
Something to think about. Even the most self-confessed impatient person has patience, they simply choose not to bring it to the surface. We simply dismiss it, in favor of getting to what we want sooner.
Here’s the problem. The place we want to go, the thing we want to do, the person we want to see, well, that becomes sullied because we have let our impatience take over. And when that happens, it turns to anger, frustration, and projection. When we finally get to where we want to go, we are still carrying those feelings with us, making the experience clouded with those negative emotions.
But that doesn’t need to be the case. Remember, patience is an innate state of mind, always with us, and our job is to not build up negative layers on top of it, to make it incredibly hard to show itself. The slow driver, annoying co-worker, or long line at the car wash isn’t making us frustrated; a situation can’t control how we feel, only we can. So, in those situations, whether we recognize it or not, we are making a conscious decision to be angry from the annoyance. In essence, we’re allowing it to control our emotions, then we get angrier when it does. By recognizing this and advocating for our own happiness, we can take control of our reactions and choose a more positive and mindful approach to benefit us and the people around us.
Start This Month
Take your mental health seriously. Let’s not recognize mental health month like we would Talk Like A Pirate day, where we annoy the heck out of everyone with the “Ayes” and the “Rrrrss.”
This is not a facade. It’s not about a tweet or post. It requires strength to be true to ourselves. And when we de-stigmatize mental health, and we like the person in the mirror better, everything else will fall into place. We will have better relationships, be a better friend and co-worker, and a better steward of this earth.
Mental health is important. It’s not an indulgence, but a necessity in the pursuit of happiness in modern-day society. And if we start treating it like that, we will break the stigmas, take risks, be brave and feel better.
Because that’s all we want, right? No matter what our race, religion, gender, sexuality, politics or socio-economic status, the one thing that brings us all together is the pursuit of happiness.
So let’s use this month a a starting block, and work to find contentment, generosity and kindness that can spread.
Resources
Understanding Mental Health:
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Offers comprehensive information on various mental health conditions and the latest research. Visit NIMH
- MentalHealth.gov: A resource provided by the U.S. government that offers basics about mental health, signs of various mental health conditions, and how to talk about mental health. Visit MentalHealth.gov
Meditation and Mindfulness Apps:
- Headspace: Provides guided meditations, sleep sounds, and mindfulness techniques. Visit Headspace
- Calm: Offers meditation exercises, sleep assistance, and relaxation techniques. Visit Calm
Therapy and Counseling:
- BetterHelp: Online therapy with licensed therapists tailored to your needs. Visit BetterHelp
- Talkspace: Online therapy platform that connects users with licensed therapists for various mental health issues. Visit Talkspace
Local Support and Therapy:
- Psychology Today: Find therapists, psychiatrists, and support groups near you with the option to filter by insurance, specialty, and more. Visit Psychology Today
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline: Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information. Visit SAMHSA Helpline
